by Toni-Lee Phillips

High on the list of parent’s concerns, is whether their teenagers, and even younger children, will get into trouble with drugs and alcohol. This concern sits alongside those about bullying, and mental health problems such as depression, anxiety and suicide.

Sadly, for many young people, these issues are all linked in a complex way. And if the news reports and statistics are anything to go by, then we ‘should’ be concerned. In a recent report from the Network of Alcohol and Other Drug Agencies (NADA), approximately 41% of drug and alcohol treatment services in Australia are delivered to young people aged between 10-29 years. As a drug and alcohol and mental health worker with over 24 years’ experience working with young people and adults, I have come to understand what kind of experiences our children need to equip them with as much protection as possible against addiction problems.

Adolescence is defined in a number of ways, but most commonly it is the years between 12 and 25. We know that during that period of development, brain maturation does not occur until around 25. Therefore, any substances such as alcohol and other drugs consumed during this time, will be more harmful than during any later years. Adolescence is also a turbulent time for many young people. Trying to work out who they are, with interests; peers; work choices etc. It is also a time where it is natural and important for teenagers to begin to move away from family values and relationships, and look more to their peers. Coupled with high levels of risk taking behaviour and a lack of consideration to future consequences, it is easy to see why this can be such a dangerous period.

What we, as parents, need to do, is help them navigate this time. We cannot wrap them in cotton wool, nor would we want to. As they need to learn to survive, and more than that, to thrive as young adults. The key is to raise our children in such a way as to equip them with beliefs and values regarding themselves and their lives, which will help them make good choices about what might be presented to them. And this needs to start in infancy.

As infants, children need to bond to a significant other. They need a strong attachment which will teach them that there are people who can be relied upon to care for them. This will influence all their future relationships, and cannot be underestimated. Of course, that first year is tough for parents, and we all need help at times. That’s fine, in fact, that’s really important. To reach out and get the support we need from friends, family and professionals where necessary. Interacting with infants; meeting their needs as consistently as possible; exposing them to new and interesting stimuli and showering them with love and positive words, all contributes to the Secure Attachment they need.

As toddlers, children need the opportunity to try things for themselves and learn that they are capable. This builds their pride in themselves and their self-esteem. We need to tell them how wonderful and clever they are; and we also need to tell them how amazing their bodies and growing capabilities are. This begins to develop a self-love and self-respect which will help with those difficult decisions in later years. We have developed so much in teaching our children good exercise and eating habits, for their physical health. But we need to always keep in mind their developing mental health as well. Teach them, at an age appropriate level, about their bodies. How amazing it is that they can jump and run and skip. And greatly praise these accomplishments. There are some great books at the library and on-line for this type of teaching. Also, teach them about their emotions and how to express and manage them, again, at an age appropriate level. Particularly, we need to stop calling boys ‘sissy’s’ for crying and saying things such as “boys don’t cry”. In my years of providing group therapy for men in a Domestic Violence Offenders Program, I was struck by the fact that nearly all of them stated they remember being told this as a young boy.

As children enter school, their world broadens so much. There is so much to learn and adapt to, so many challenges to face. Of course, they need our continued love and support, lots of encouragement and praise. Of particular importance is ‘our’ relationship we begin to build with the school and the teacher. This will help our young people in so many ways, and we need to become involved in any way our work life allows. Participating in reading groups, or simply being able to walk them to their classroom 1 or 2 days a week helps create this connection. This way we will hear about any difficulties or struggles they may be experiencing, as it is happening. Waiting for the school interviews means we can miss a lot. One of the major ways children are protected from bullying, is when parents have a close involvement in the school – and this is visible to the other children and teachers.

We also need to be socialising our children outside of preschool and school, any chance we get. These days mother’s groups can be a wonderful way for this to begin; and then organising play dates and becoming involved in activities such as gymnastics, karate, dancing etc. Another major protective factor for our children’s wellbeing, is a sense of connection. This is essential throughout all of their development, and into adulthood of course. It is considered to be a major aspect of positive mental health, to have positive social connections. Also, these outside activities can provide a much-needed respite and distraction if and when school is not feeling like a happy place.

Then there is adolescence, when many risks can present themselves. As previously mentioned, there is a number of ‘protective factors’ which can help our young people:

Strong connections with family, with good communication about issues such as sexual behaviour and drug and alcohol use

Positive interests and activities, both within and outside of school

Parent’s involvement in school life

Maintaining physical health, diet; exercise; adequate sleep

Positive modelling by parents of their own drug or alcohol use. Children learn a lot this way

Encouraging the delay of the first drink of alcohol for as long as possible, particularly to the age of 18. Research has shown that the earlier a young person drinks, the higher the risk of developing problems later in life with alcohol dependency

Encourage ‘help seeking’ behaviour throughout a child’s development. Link them up to professional services. Use school Counsellors. Early intervention is the key. We need to break down stigma around very common issues such as depression and anxiety, and of getting help

If a young person does begin to use drugs or alcohol and you are concerned, do not argue and fight with them. This will increase their resistance and they could begin to hide their use more. Explain clearly the rules of your family around these behaviours, and make it clear you are willing to support them with positive changes. Stay connected with them, and know that there is a lot of help available for them and for families around these concerns.

Toni-Lee Phillips is a qualified counsellor; trainer and supervisor with over 24 years’ experience in assisting young people, adults and families with drug and alcohol and mental health issues. She is also the mother of a teenage daughter and young son. Toni-Lee has lived and worked on the Coast for 23 years, in both private practice and for a number of organisations. She is available for counselling; education and training.